!! WARNING !!

Some parts of this page contains references to homosexuality and a gay lifestyle, although there is nothing of an explicit or adult nature. If you find this subject disturbing or distasteful, please do not read any further

I was born and raised in Hampshire. When I was young I used to particularly enjoy visiting my grandparents. Granddad used to tinker with electronics in his garage. I spent many hours with him, and learnt the basics of electricity and electronics by asking questions and fiddling. This interest in electronics has stayed with me and is a major part of my life as you will see. Sadly Granddad died when I was ten, and Grandma followed him about 18 months later.

This school photo shows me in 1973, aged 8 or 9.

I didn't really fit in that well at primary school. I was more interested in making daisy chains with the girls than playing football with the boys. I do remember that I was fascinated by seeing the other boys private parts when we were getting changed for swimming - although this was probably more a child's curiosity than anything sexual.

Boarding School

Between the ages of eleven and sixteen I attended a small local boarding school (Buckland School). The boarding school was for boys only, and as there was a significant amount of sexual experimentation between students - I would say that around half of us were involved. There were a couple of older boys who paid younger kids for their services, but most of us just had fun with mates around our own age. It was mainly hand relief, and some oral - nothing too involved so we could straighten ourselves up quickly if we heard someone approaching. Guaranteed bed bugs Toronto exterminator service.

I am not suggesting that the school made me gay, but I do think it do think it awakened my interest sooner. Many of the boys were there because, like me, they didn't quite fit in, so I would not be surprised if a higher than average number of us were gay. Many of my gay friends also had a hard time at school, even before they knew they were gay. If anyone reading this has similar experiences, I would to like hear your thoughts on this.

This photo shows me (on the right, aged about 13) and some of the other boys from the school at the official opening of some disabled facilities at Avon Tyrell in 1978, with Jimmy Saville.

Starting Work

When I left school in 1980, I got an apprenticeship at a large local engineering company where my Dad worked. Although Dad didn't get me the job directly, it was an old fashioned firm where there was a significant advantage in being "your father's son"!

The first year was spent in off-the-job training at the company's training school. I became very friendly with another apprentice. We both tended to be picked on by the other apprentices, so we often wandered off on our own during our breaks. A certain amount of discrete sexual activity took place on the grass bank by the car park, but neither of us ever considered it to be a relationship. He had a girlfriend at the time! We lost touch at the end of the first year, as we were then working at different sites. Unfortunately he was killed in a motorbike accident three years later. Try Independent e s c o r t Toronto services in Canada.

The final three years of my apprenticeship were spent in the company's Electronics Research and Development department. I also attended college one day a week and obtained an HNC in electronics.

I travelled to college by train, and really fancied a young guy who waited on the same platform. I never spoke to him, but the fact that I was so strongly attracted to him made me realise, deep down, that I was gay. I continually tried to deny it however. I tried to tell myself that I only fancied guys because I had never had any sexual experience with a girl! I started making some efforts to find a girlfriend, with no success. I even tried contacting a couple of national dating agencies, but was put off by the price. Title Hotels berlin luxushotels.

A New Job, and New People

When my apprenticeship ended I continued to work in the same department for another three years. I then got a job as a Service Engineer at a local marine electronics firm. It turned out that this company was in a fairly dodgey position financially. It went into receivership once while I was there, and was subsequently bought up and rescued. They also had a fairly high staff turnover rate!

I started going out with a young lady who began working there a few months after me. This was my only relationship with a female, it was virtually non-sexual and lasted about six weeks. She then started going out with another guy who had just joined the company. A few years later I heard that she had come out as a lesbian, after she moved to a different company and becoming involved with a woman there!

There was one young guy working there who was almost certainly gay, but I was far to nervous to say anything to him. There was also another new lad who started working in the service department with me. He was about eighteen, slim, blond and tanned, and was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. I spent many hours dreaming and hoping! Again though I was too nervous to do or say anything, and I became really jealous and upset when he became good friends with the other gay guy.

Disco

At around this time I was running a small mobile disco called "Time Zone" with a friend. He did the DJing, and I built and maintained the equipment. I suppose it was partly a way of getting out and maybe meeting some people, and trying to find a girlfriend. It didn't succeed in that role and, although it was very popular, we had to sell up when we received our first tax bill!

Moving to London

A few months later I was contacted by two of the people I had previously worked for in the Electronics Research and Development department at the engineering company. The engineering company were closing the department, so my colleagues were buying up the rights to the products produced by the department, and setting up their own company. Did I want a job? It would involve moving to London.

I was still living with my parents at the time because I could never afford to buy a property in that area, and even renting was expensive. I was being offered a better salary in a cheaper area, a good excuse to more well away from home and start a new life, and a job I would enjoy working with people I knew. Since the marine electronics company was clearly on the brink of going into receivership again, the decision was easy!

A few weeks later I moved into rented accommodation in London and started working for DeW Systems. Within a few months I had bought a one bedroom house on a new estate and was finally able to move all my junk from my parents house, and settle into somewhere I could call Home. So I had a good job, and a nice home - but it seemed a bit quiet and lonely. I had adopted a cat (Elvira), and then a Dog (Elf) from the RSPCA and, although they were both very good company, something was still missing.

Beginning to Come Out

During the many evenings sitting alone, I decided that I had to do something. I was beginning to accept in my own mind that I was gay - but I was still not comfortable with the idea, nor did I have any idea what to do next. I wrote to a newspaper agony aunt, and received a feeble standard letter and list of addresses.

London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard were much more helpful. They sent me a detailed reply to all my questions, which ran to three pages. This included details about the gay monthly meeting in the back room of a pub (the gay scene in London is much better now).

The first time I went I was introduced to someone from the local Switchboard, and we had a useful chat. I also met another local gay couple who were fairly friendly. Nobody else bothered to speak to me, as they were busy in their own groups.

Nick

When I went the following month, the people I met the previous time were not there. The busy little groups were still there, and still didn't seem to welcome anyone new. However there was a young guy sitting on his own, so I chatted to him. His name was Nick, he was seventeen (ten years younger than me) and it was the first time he had been there.

We became really good friends, and spent a lot of time together. We were both just coming Out, and shared a lot of experiences such as visiting gay clubs and pubs in neighbouring cities together. We did not have a sexual relationship, but we were very close and gave each other a lot of much-needed support. Nick, being young and pretty, had a number of flings with various guys that he met in the clubs, while I, being older and not so pretty, had none. However we learnt a great deal from each other's experiences and mistakes.

Telling my Family

Nick was also very supportive when I decided to tell my family. I told my sister (Lilly) and her husband (Trevor - now ex-husband)) first, over a drink in a quiet pub. They both accepted the news with no problems. Lilly said later that she had previously suspected that I might be gay. The next stage was Mum and Dad. I decided to tell them in a letter, which they received about two or three weeks before I was due to visit them. Dad never mentions the subject, and would not discuss it with Mum at the time. However Lilly spent some time with Mum, helping her come to terms with the situation. I think, after about nine years, they have now pretty much accepted that this is a permanent situation.

The next 10 years

My story is really complete here, but here's a bit more detail about the next 10 years. It took Mum and Dad a little while to accept Markie, but in due course it happened and he is now regarded as a member of the family. I think Lilly's separation and divorce from Trev, although unfortunate, may have helped my parents come closer to Markie - he became "number 1 son-in-law", and we have now been together longer than Lilly and Trev were.

In February 2000 we moved into our new three bedroom house in London, which is a vast improvement on our previous one bedroomed home.

A few months later, DeW Systems went into liquidation and I needed to find a new job. I am now working as an electronic design engineer for Thermo Radiometrie in Gloucester.

On 5th December 2002 my father died, following a year-long battle with lung cancer. This was obviously a difficult time for the whole family, and Markie was always supportive. At the funeral he was with Mum, Lilly and me, and was regarded as one of the immediate family.

A couple of months later, Elvira died after being with me for about 12 years. We now have a new bundle of joy - Darius - to keep us awake at night!

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope you found it interesting. Obviously there is much more to my life story than this, and I have had to leave out a lot of information to keep the length reasonable (the full version would probably fill a book!). If you have any comments I would be pleased to hear from you.

Paul